cigarettes and feelings | asvini

[Ivan]

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IVAN
slav. "god is gracious"
---
a son
a brother

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ALYOSHA, MY DEAR, MY ONLY SON, I'M AFRAID OF IVAN —

It did not take long for Ivan to return to Aurum's abandoned house, thinking, for some strange reason, that he would find Asvini here again. He had shocked himself deeply with how genuinely he treated the girl when she was stricken in pain from the opening of her extra eyes. 

"But perhaps," Ivan thought as he circled the porch. "It's only because of her special situation". but he really hoped he was better than that. He himself did not react happily to the news of Aurum's leaving. Maybe something had been boiling underneath all this time that he hadn't realized, but he could not stand the thought another child had to suffer for something she hadn't done.

The nightmares of his mother's death had been decreasing as of late, and whenever she was mentioned, Ivan just had a vague look in his eyes. His siblings were slipping away, his father was devastated with grief, and in being the only one left, Ivan saw himself as taking on a mantle that was far too big and noble for some rat like himself. Some rat who dared to sit at Moth's funeral and could only think of killing his brother sobbing on the coffin.

"Asvini," He finally called out, done with lurking about. "Are you doing well? Your eyes?" "I wanted to come back to check on you," was on his tongue, but he refrained from saying it. Redundant? Yes, perhaps, but also the awkwardness of it all weighed heavy on his shoulders.

[member=13067]ASVINI[/member]

— I'M MORE AFRAID OF IVAN THAN THE OTHER ONE.

[ASVINI]

Perhaps there was no mantle on Asvini, not such as there was on Ivan. She might have been the Proxy's daughter, the only one left of that angelic family. But there was no one relying on her, not like Ivan had to carry forward the siblings and father. No, all she had left was herself, perhaps. And maybe that's what made Asvini hurt, deep down, was that she was actually alone. Forgotten as well, on top of alone. It was no active thought to Asvini that she had to care for herself- but what plagued her was both this headache lasting from her transformation to the fact she was by herself in sense of family.

But maybe, she wasn't totally alone. Just maybe.

Asvini had been slow moving recently- she had made a point before the tremors and Moth's death to escape the house, to check in silently on the people she knew, taking walks and stretching and working her muscles. But since the disappearance of her family, her father, she had been stuck inside. The headache was proving difficult to stay active with. Being as sensitive as she was right now, she was taking a small rest on the couch, the coffee table dusted over. However, a sound made her ears perk.

Slowly, the large bodied cub picked herself up, slowly padding out the front door to the porch. She scented the air first, before the sound of the voice put together the picture. Ivan had come back. Some dwindling spark of hope inside her chest burst alive, just a tiny bit. "Ivan." She called, stepping down the steps to come face to face with him. "This headache is.. lasting. Are you alright? It's.. not like people to come find me."

"speech"

[glow=black,2,300]BREAK THE SILENCE; DAMN THE DARK[/glow]

[Ivan]

[align=center]

[table]
[tr]
[td][/td]
[td]

IVAN
slav. "god is gracious"
---
a son
a brother

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[td][/td][/tr]
[/table]

ALYOSHA, MY DEAR, MY ONLY SON, I'M AFRAID OF IVAN —

He had to tip his head up a bit to see her. A dull spark of pain pierced his heart, truly realizing that she was all alone in the home. Maybe some destitute part of him imagined he would be greeted by Aurum instead. Maybe the golden lion had returned, and that it had all been a dream, a horrible dream. Ivan had such dreams sometimes ... those sorts of dreams that were so terrible they felt real. He had never had a dream that was so good it felt real. It was always the bad ones.

Migraines had came and gone so much for him that it almost felt like a regular occurrence, but no doubt it was painful still. He rebuked himself under his breath for not thinking to take some herbal remedies with him. Ivan twitched with her next statements.

"I'm in my right mind. I'm alright." He whispered. But maybe it wasn't because "it's not like me to go find people." That would have been the honest thing to say, but sometimes honesty only made everything worse. He could lie to himself. This was for something good. "But it's not about me. You must have stayed in here for a long time. Do you ... want to walk? With me." He always thought better as he walked. He needed a constant movement to feel alive. To lay down there forever was tempting, but he didn't want to see Asvini like that. And if asked why, he just wouldn't be able to answer. There was often no reason for exceedingly strong convictions, passions even. He did not understand himself, not back when he was a child, and especially not now as he was an growing adolescent.

— I'M MORE AFRAID OF IVAN THAN THE OTHER ONE.

[ASVINI]

Her brow had gently lifted, hearing the other child- not.. quite child speak. Had she known the feelings that Ivan held for her, perhaps she would have spat on him in distaste. Pity was not something that Asvini needed from another- the strength together in discussion and comfortable venting was different in her mind. The child's tail twitched, and she sighed gently. However, as his offer, her eyes shifted towards the house. Cold. That was the word she used to associate with herself. She was comparing herself, at least, to the warmth of family she had known. But now, it was gone. Was she cold, now?

She shook the thought off. That was for later.

She opened her mouth, gently responding with a quiet voice. "A walk.. doesn't sound terrible." She responded. Asvini gently moved down towards him, to join up side to side with him. "I was only stuck in there because.. of that headache. It was killing me." She murmured softly. The strange twist in her stomach as she said that, she opened up- it was strange. Something she wasn't used to but.. maybe she could get used to it.

"speech"

[glow=black,2,300]BREAK THE SILENCE; DAMN THE DARK[/glow]