memento mori ⚝ izuku's journals

[arcy]

[div style="0px; width:600px; height:auto; text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt; line-height:13px;"][align=center]JOURNAL PAGE 1 // 6/17/18

I've never written an actual journal before. I've had it recommended to me once or twice, but I've never actually done it. I guess it just feels ... too vulnerable. When I was still in school, mostly before UA, there was always a chance somebody might snatch it and read it. I couldn't let myself give them anymore ammo, so I guess I just. Never did. It was honestly probably for the worse -- bottling everything up? Not ideal. Still not ideal. I mean I've got self-notes and stuff, but that's very emotionally distant. It's like taking notes on other people. Except its myself. And i guess writing will give me an outlet to rant? I still get the urge to rant about stuff pretty often, but it just ... I don't know. It always bothered people. Granted, I've been doing enough ranting with the rest of my notebooks. I already have a mini-bookshelf of these things. It's really weird, too, considering that I used to only really write notes on quirks and heroes and stuff and now I'm just. Here. I never really got over the urge to take notes and stuff, so I had to start on other stuff lest I go absolutely insane.

... Right. Anyways. Uh, onto actual recording stuff. And not distant notes, hopefully. I've been doing pretty well with actually putting feelings into this page, so I hope that doesn't spiral. Well, first, I made a friend recently? I'm fond of all of my clanmates, but she's the first one that I've really gotten to know at all. Natasha! She's the first person I've told about being formerly human -- she is, too. It's nice to not be alone, though I wonder if there's anymore like us? Anyways, secondly, I've been kinda stressed. Very stressed. As to be expected. I still can't see well, from a month ago, when somebody slashed at my eyes. Even writing this hurts. I've just been getting a lot of headaches and migraines lately, I guess. It's mostly from the eye strain. Not to mention, looking at bright colors or lights really hurts. I have to give my eye a treatment really frequently, it's kind of annoying. I've been trying some other extra remedies though, and desperately hoping they don't clash with anything else I do because I'm not doing any research. Aside from this, I've got my leg to be worried about. Just a few days ago, I was trying a different technique with my quirk electricity, and it blew up on me. Quite literally. I didn't get a very good look at it, but it was really gruesome. Luckily I was coherent for the incident. Though I passed out pretty fast after Aizawa asked me to get up. Has he even seen me? Does he know anything about limits? The electricity itself had me really shaky and lightheaded since it was such a high voltage, though it probably helped that I'm usually immune to it. I wasn't able to stand up without using all four legs, and putting weight on it wasn't a good idea. I'm still not quite sure if he should be propped up? Hm. Anyways, right now it's bandaged up, and I'm pretty much bedridden. I haven't seen what it looks like right now, and I'm not sure I want to. It's ... because, of this incident that I'm not going to use my electricity anymore though, hopefully. It's just ... I've hurt so many people with it. I've hurt myself. I'm scared. I'm scared I'll go out of control again or something.
... That's all for today, though.
Signed, Izuku Midoriya.