03-18-2022, 01:18 AM
straight for the throat you’re like an animal!
in for the kill, like you're an animal!
Drawn by the burning house, Ximen padded towards the light. Though the fire and smoke had already disfigured the house, he recognized it as Elsweyr’s. As he drew closer, the voices became clearer, and he understood their words even if their heated discussion pinned his ears to his skull.
Passing by Eon, he muttered softly. “Don’t worry, it’s been abandoned for a long time. This is… family stuff.”
Continuing towards Ares and Lucinder, Ximen’s wings shifted uneasily against his back. Was this his fault? Should he have raised his sister’s children in their mother’s home?
Ximen knew he was inattentive as a father—he never wanted the job, he never produced his own because he hated children—but he’d thought he began doing alright once they reached become teenagers. Ironic, how Ximen understood teenagers better than children, while most who doted on children hated teenagers. But that wouldn’t erase their trauma from Elsweyr dying and his own paltry attempts at taking her place. Especially since Ares literally died and recently returned from the dead after two years.
He stood quietly, thinking over his words carefully. Why couldn’t Elsweyr and Arrow be here instead of him? None of this came naturally to him. His teeth clenched. Jaw popped. Why couldn’t he have just been their uncle? He didn’t know how to talk sense into idiots, let alone idiot children.
“Elsweyr gave you her knife because no child is perfect. Every one of us is capable of great violence. Even a rabbit can claw the eyes of a lion.” Ximen sighed. “I’m sorry her gift brought you pain.”
Ximen could recommend half a dozen books with a protagonist wrestling with this theme, to show Ares she wasn’t the only one. He could train her more. Sit with her to meditate. Tell her, over and over, that she isn’t defined by her mistakes and isn’t the threat she thinks she is. But he has already tried. These, and countless others.
As he looked at Ares’s face, he saw the niece he failed. Elsweyr would’ve known better; he was never supposed to be a father.
Passing by Eon, he muttered softly. “Don’t worry, it’s been abandoned for a long time. This is… family stuff.”
Continuing towards Ares and Lucinder, Ximen’s wings shifted uneasily against his back. Was this his fault? Should he have raised his sister’s children in their mother’s home?
Ximen knew he was inattentive as a father—he never wanted the job, he never produced his own because he hated children—but he’d thought he began doing alright once they reached become teenagers. Ironic, how Ximen understood teenagers better than children, while most who doted on children hated teenagers. But that wouldn’t erase their trauma from Elsweyr dying and his own paltry attempts at taking her place. Especially since Ares literally died and recently returned from the dead after two years.
He stood quietly, thinking over his words carefully. Why couldn’t Elsweyr and Arrow be here instead of him? None of this came naturally to him. His teeth clenched. Jaw popped. Why couldn’t he have just been their uncle? He didn’t know how to talk sense into idiots, let alone idiot children.
“Elsweyr gave you her knife because no child is perfect. Every one of us is capable of great violence. Even a rabbit can claw the eyes of a lion.” Ximen sighed. “I’m sorry her gift brought you pain.”
Ximen could recommend half a dozen books with a protagonist wrestling with this theme, to show Ares she wasn’t the only one. He could train her more. Sit with her to meditate. Tell her, over and over, that she isn’t defined by her mistakes and isn’t the threat she thinks she is. But he has already tried. These, and countless others.
As he looked at Ares’s face, he saw the niece he failed. Elsweyr would’ve known better; he was never supposed to be a father.
UNEXPECTED YET EXPECTED —
— i wanted to hate / i wanted to die / i wanted to see you sacrificed / i had to deal with the fear you gave me / but you fucker never tried to help me / i was jealous and i was scared / nobody ever replaced my pain / to say i’m not evil, to tell I’m not bad / too late, i’m lost in human nature / leave me be / set me free / leave me be / set me free / the hardest thing to me is facing the fear i live / no one can help me now, it’s under my heart / i’ll come to know the living, my demons are inside / i’ll bring them all to light / ———— emerged from the dark I come to life!